July 12, 2008 by

Okay, it has been suggested by some that I de-mystify the topic selection process by documenting it more thoroughly. I’m down for that. This is how it works:

1. All of the suggested topics are written on slips of paper and placed into a hat. This is a literal hat. It is also, as appropriate to the ethos of Dudes Cubed, a pink beret.

The proverbial hat.

The proverbial hat.

2. I fish around in the hat and choose a slip of paper.
I think it is pretty obvious what\'s going on here.

I think it is pretty obvious what's going on here.

3. And then we have a topic. This week’s, to my delight, happens to be “leg bruising.”


I hope that clears some things up. Let me know if you have questions, about the process, about leg bruising, or about why my bangs look so messy.




July 11, 2008 by
The results of the first ever dudes dudes dudes contest.

The results of the first ever dudes dudes dudes contest.

It’s like that. Congratulations, Space Stag. But don’t get a big head, because voting was close.

Tomorrow: new, uplifting, nondenominational songs, plus the new subject. I will, as always, communicate with you mostly via photobooth pictures taken at Flightpath.


Dudes, we need a trophy

July 10, 2008 by

That can change hands every two weeks.  Maybe some sort of cup, so when we win we can carve our names on the side and do a two-week victory tour drinking giant long island iced teas out of it with faded starlets.

Please make suggestions in the comments.

Reverb Discrimination

July 10, 2008 by

While I am not an evangelical myself (I am a papist), I do feel for their plight when it comes to lack of representation in reverb settings. Easily found are settings such as “cathedral”, “church”, “large church”, “stone church” and so forth, but I have yet to see a single “megachurch” setting on any reverb plug-in. What gives? Certainly the intricacies of the acoustics of teh modern megachurch are manifold. Someone (not me) should take it upon themselves to model the subtle qualities of a structure which was once a CostCo, but has been converted to a house of worship. What of the reflective qualities of the Dairy Queen in the nave? What of the jumbo sized plasma screen TVs? These large, flat surfaces would undoubtedly reflect the higher frequencies, while the right-angle construction of most big-box stores-cum-megachurches would create sinks detrimental to bass tones. Certainly, the mere bodily presence of over a thousand robust North-American christians will have a marked effect on the timbre of various acoustic guitars, tambourines and fretless basses. Compare for example with the 25 old Mexican women present at the average Catholic mass. Even the service attendance being equal, the mere disparity in corpulence must produce a startling effect. For all secular reverb I use Ambience–I trust their nordic sense of propriety.

Why Sexfizzy Will Win

July 1, 2008 by

BAHAI FAITH, SON!I have the power of the one name of God. Or is it G-D?

Also about sailing

June 30, 2008 by

One thing I like about this project is how it makes me appreciate songs on topics I wouldn’t otherwise seek out.  Like this Tom Waits song about sailing, which I accidentally discovered yesterday.  It may not be Styx-worthy, but I bet he lived that shit.

The Archetype

June 29, 2008 by

Here it is y’all–the ur-spiritually uplifting non-denominational song.

My Sweet Lord

I am too good to y’all.

Ten more Themes

June 29, 2008 by

Using my scientific generation process:

1)Before the Beach, a compilation of Jimmy Buffett’s songs before he focused his songwriting on vacationing.  The theme here would be “Other Things That Jimmy Buffett Could Teach You.”

2)Christophe Pellessier, early Quebecois industrialist who supported American attempts to annex Quebec.  The complicated early history of American-Quebecois relations would make fascinating song fodder.

3)Pomeroy, Ohio, a town on the Ohio River, the only community in the USA that does not have a four-way intersection.  (I think because it’s too hilly?)

4)The Al Green song Tired Of Being Alone.  The theme here would to be to rewrite this song using none of the original notes, chords, or words.

5)Max Luscher, inventor of the Luscher test, a tool for evaluating people’s psychophysical state based on color preference.  The theme could be the man or the implications of his test.

6)The New York Times Guide to Essential Knowledge

7)Beecham’s pills, a laxative invented in 1842, finally taken off the market in 1998.

8)Ewostatewos, an Ethiopian monk of the 14th century who believed Christians should celebrate the sabbath on both Saturday and Sunday.  Possible inventor of the weekend.

9)Hooker, Oklahoma

10)Pyramus and Thisbe


June 28, 2008 by

dudesdudesdudes week two

This week’s topic: inspiring, spiritually uplifting song of non-denominational nature (AKA a George Harrison song)

Any questions?

Your Tallymaster

Sailing on TV

June 28, 2008 by

Like Sexfizzy’s, my initial contribution is a story-song in the American idiom, as told by the anonymous person who developed competitive sailboat racing for a home audience. It follows the four-act structure for a tale of invention: the first flowering of an idea, the rolling-up of sleeves and greasing of elbows to give the idea shape, the despair at a seemingly insurmountable challenge, and, finally, the joyous overcoming of the final roadblock so that the fruits of one’s ingenuity can be enjoyed by all.

I put this in .wav format, so those of you Windows 3.0 users who haven’t been able to play the other guys’ songs will still be able to enjoy mine. It also proves beyond doubt that this virtuosic performance was actually recorded in a single take.