Author Archive

Honorary reigning champion

August 20, 2008

Jarvis Cocker, unlicensed UK driver


Status Hiatus

August 20, 2008

On behalf of all the dudes, I would like to express our perplexity at the “penises (flaccid)” theme.  Abiding by the “write what you know” axiom, none of us wrote anything.  Color us stumped.

Consensus is that dudesdudesdudes will continue our now-official hiatus until Sept 1, when we will convene an assembly to discuss rules of procedure and propriety for the fall season.  Tune in then for more photoshop fun, denigration of millenia-old Andean cutural garb, and special  guest stars!

Defending the crown

July 28, 2008

I gotta say, I kind of thought the other two songs were better than mine last week, so I’m not sure I deserved such an honor.  But no worries, I definitely will this week… there’s no way your all’s new songs rock as hard as mine:

Last Legs

I was trying to collaborate on some backing piano or vocals or something, but I couldn’t get it together in time.  If it happens in the next couple days, I’ll put it up.  Til then, it’s exactly what I said I wouldn’t give you this week… one-track acoustic and vocals.  Punk rock.

My song

July 13, 2008


I am coming a little weak production-wise this time (again.)  Next time I promise to roll out some tricks with some home recording software.  This week I downloaded some program Sexfizzy recommended, probably because he is a diabolical competitor, and I think it might have had a role in crashing my computer for about two days.  Now I’m resurrected, though, and I guarantee i will not do single track vocals & acoustic guitar forever.

This is by no means a caveat on the quality of the actual song (see my opinions on the punk rock aesthetic v. disco/wankery debate, whenever i get around to explaining them, or the patent wrongness of Sexfizzy’s and the Stag’s viewpoints.)  No, the abstract ideal of this song rules. Which is how it earned its Neoplatonist title:

City of God

Dudes, we need a trophy

July 10, 2008

That can change hands every two weeks.  Maybe some sort of cup, so when we win we can carve our names on the side and do a two-week victory tour drinking giant long island iced teas out of it with faded starlets.

Please make suggestions in the comments.

Also about sailing

June 30, 2008

One thing I like about this project is how it makes me appreciate songs on topics I wouldn’t otherwise seek out.  Like this Tom Waits song about sailing, which I accidentally discovered yesterday.  It may not be Styx-worthy, but I bet he lived that shit.

Ten more Themes

June 29, 2008

Using my scientific generation process:

1)Before the Beach, a compilation of Jimmy Buffett’s songs before he focused his songwriting on vacationing.  The theme here would be “Other Things That Jimmy Buffett Could Teach You.”

2)Christophe Pellessier, early Quebecois industrialist who supported American attempts to annex Quebec.  The complicated early history of American-Quebecois relations would make fascinating song fodder.

3)Pomeroy, Ohio, a town on the Ohio River, the only community in the USA that does not have a four-way intersection.  (I think because it’s too hilly?)

4)The Al Green song Tired Of Being Alone.  The theme here would to be to rewrite this song using none of the original notes, chords, or words.

5)Max Luscher, inventor of the Luscher test, a tool for evaluating people’s psychophysical state based on color preference.  The theme could be the man or the implications of his test.

6)The New York Times Guide to Essential Knowledge

7)Beecham’s pills, a laxative invented in 1842, finally taken off the market in 1998.

8)Ewostatewos, an Ethiopian monk of the 14th century who believed Christians should celebrate the sabbath on both Saturday and Sunday.  Possible inventor of the weekend.

9)Hooker, Oklahoma

10)Pyramus and Thisbe

Sailing on TV

June 28, 2008

Like Sexfizzy’s, my initial contribution is a story-song in the American idiom, as told by the anonymous person who developed competitive sailboat racing for a home audience. It follows the four-act structure for a tale of invention: the first flowering of an idea, the rolling-up of sleeves and greasing of elbows to give the idea shape, the despair at a seemingly insurmountable challenge, and, finally, the joyous overcoming of the final roadblock so that the fruits of one’s ingenuity can be enjoyed by all.

I put this in .wav format, so those of you Windows 3.0 users who haven’t been able to play the other guys’ songs will still be able to enjoy mine. It also proves beyond doubt that this virtuosic performance was actually recorded in a single take.


I’m just down the street, coming to crash your party

June 28, 2008

I’m about to get all up in the middle of this soon with a latecoming sea shanty.  In the meantime, theme-wise, I wanted to point out an awesome procrastination tool I just discovered this morning.  On Wikipedia, on the left sidebar, there’s a link that takes you to a “Random Article.”

I will now click it five times:

1)Bette Greene, author of Summer of My German Soldier

2)A list of famous Yemenis

3)Fred Cook, defensive end for the Baltimore Colts 1974-1980

4)The Valea Mare River, tributary of the Apa Rosie River in Romania

5)The UK driving test

I think probably John Darnielle uses this all the time.