Author Archive

AAAARRGGHHHHHH SPEED POST!

July 28, 2008

HERE IS MY NEW SONG, TITLED “THE LOVESONG OF J. ALFRED SQUARESBERG”. CAN’T WRITE CLEVER INTRO, MUST GO DRINKING!

edit: So now that I am home and drinking (drunk) I will elaborate on this, my submission. 2 things that the astute listener may note: firstly, that I have broken my “no guitars” policy and secondly, that the lyrics are mushy and sort of girl-related. On the use of guitars, I blame New Order mostly. I have been listening to “Temptation” and “Ceremony” almost nonstop as of late and I have finally decided that guitars are not that horrible after all. This is also part of a broader sea-change that I am enacting in my own self in which I attempt to stop defining my tastes in the negative. Thus, crappy guitar riffage. Sorry. Secondly, with regards to the mush-headed nature of the lyrics, I blame myself and Stag equally. To whit; The Stag and I have had several conversations centering on the allure of sloppiness in the gentler sex. I refer to it as sloppiness, S. Stag refers to it as insouciance. Whatever the terminology may be, we have been debating whether or not dirty glasses enhance or detract from a girl’s attractiveness–ditto crappy tattoos, athletic socks, weird hair, unkemptness in general. It was clear to me that leg bruising fit into this debate. Thus, I tried to envision a love-type scenario wherein the leg bruising of the female protagonist would function as a metonymy/synecdoche for the entire suite of sloppiness/sexiness that Stag and I were debating and which we Austinites are so familiar with. I hope you enjoy this track, it was made in my Dad’s living room in the beautiful environs of Redondo Beach California. The next track will be composed entirely on my cell-phone in Brazil, more on that later.

Also This

July 27, 2008

Detachable Penis, yo.

Holy Michael Macdonald

July 27, 2008

The rabbit hole gets deeper. How did we all miss this James Ingram/Michael Macdonald banger “Yah Mo B There” apparently originally titled “Yaweh Be There” (see Youtube comments)? Regardless of whether the title dispute is apocryphal or not, the song is definitely non-denominational and about God.

New Songs/Old Things to Bitch About

July 12, 2008

First off: I would like to present to yall the contribution of our reigning champion, Space Stag. Dude is on his game right now. I reproduce here the email that he sent me–apparently dude’s internet connection is sketchy at the moment. I ask you to take my magnanimity in account while voting on your favorite song (DUDESDUDESDUDES AT GMAIL DOT COM):

Space Stag is hidden deep in the woods of Northern Virginia. He did,
however, manage to find an abandoned piano and baritone ukulele, which
he had access to for an hour (really). This is what came out of it. He
apologizes to God, mostly. But also to you, dear listeners.
Presenting, “Enactment of the Thousand Names of His Revelation,” with
a tip of the hat to Cat Stevens, the Animal Collective, and Pope
Benedict XVI.

Space Stag’s quest for Oberst’s left over groupie-tang continues.

Secondly: I submit to you my track, entitled “Praise Be Unto You, and Praise Be Unto Your Infinite Modes of Expression” While I know that I should at some point include some sort of self-deprecatory remark about the song’s quality and all that I will refrain–mostly because I have contracted some sort of mystery stomach ailment. As a result, my life for the last two days has consisted in watching 2 Fast 2 Furious and drinking milkshakes. I will tell you that this song includes: Mike Agresta’s man purse, Kim Cardashian, Making out with G-D and drums that are mixed way too loud.

Cantankerously, 

SXFCE

Reverb Discrimination

July 10, 2008

While I am not an evangelical myself (I am a papist), I do feel for their plight when it comes to lack of representation in reverb settings. Easily found are settings such as “cathedral”, “church”, “large church”, “stone church” and so forth, but I have yet to see a single “megachurch” setting on any reverb plug-in. What gives? Certainly the intricacies of the acoustics of teh modern megachurch are manifold. Someone (not me) should take it upon themselves to model the subtle qualities of a structure which was once a CostCo, but has been converted to a house of worship. What of the reflective qualities of the Dairy Queen in the nave? What of the jumbo sized plasma screen TVs? These large, flat surfaces would undoubtedly reflect the higher frequencies, while the right-angle construction of most big-box stores-cum-megachurches would create sinks detrimental to bass tones. Certainly, the mere bodily presence of over a thousand robust North-American christians will have a marked effect on the timbre of various acoustic guitars, tambourines and fretless basses. Compare for example with the 25 old Mexican women present at the average Catholic mass. Even the service attendance being equal, the mere disparity in corpulence must produce a startling effect. For all secular reverb I use Ambience–I trust their nordic sense of propriety.

Why Sexfizzy Will Win

July 1, 2008

BAHAI FAITH, SON!I have the power of the one name of God. Or is it G-D?

The Archetype

June 29, 2008

Here it is y’all–the ur-spiritually uplifting non-denominational song.

My Sweet Lord

I am too good to y’all.

25 Things That I Thought About Yesterday

June 27, 2008

Here are my nominations for possible challenges:

*pineapple
*refrigerator
*fat girlfriend
*wizard hat
*paternity test
*slovenia
*Bad Brains
*animal husbandry
*subprime mortgage crisis
*the plague
*sendero luminoso
*ailments of the skin
*NAMBLA
*Jesus
*overcoming impossible odds to achieve your dreams
*masturbation
*leg bruising
*cover of any 3rd wave ska song (aquabats, reel big fish, mighty mighty bosstones, etc.)
*dirt
*inspiring, spiritually uplifting song of non-denominational nature (aka a George Harrison song)
*grocery store
*song from organ’s POV (bodily organ)
*explosions
*racist crazy homeless lady
*google

Its bizarre how much overlap there was between my initial list and S. Stag’s.

A Remarkably Cheerful Tale of a Horrendous Death at Sea

June 27, 2008

Hey interneeeeeeetttttttttttttt…

Here is Sexfizzy’s first entry: It’s called A Remarkably Cheerful Tale of a Horrendous Death at Sea. Listen to it, cry, dry your tears with your own hair, listen to it again and then vote at dudesdudesdudes at gmail dot com. Just put “sexface” or arroyo in the title line. The same goes for spacestag’s jam, which is making Bill Calahan soooooo jealous right now. Watch out waif-y indie rock songstresses…spacestag is coming for your vintage panties!

Question: Why Are You Here?

June 26, 2008

Yall,
Some months back Snack and I got the idea that we would start a duo (bass and accordion) called DUDES and play songs with titles like “Hey Ryan, Let’s Get Girlfriends With Cool Haircuts.” Ideally, we would have 0 web presence and only record cassette tapes. Unfortunately, fate intervened in the form of our burgeoning rap careers and our mutual laziness. We had one rehearsal and we pretty much just smoked cigarettes and enthused about Brazilian psych music (Tom Zé!). Fast forward to now and Ryan is moving to Williamsburg to turn the apparel world on its head by starting a retail store which only sells blank, colored shirts and other hipster-lifestyle accoutrements. Genius. I am still in grad school, marginally employed and spending a lot of time on the internet. That was the situation as of last week. Then, in a completely unrelated stroke of tard-genius I got the idea to write a song about sailing. This is especially odd since I have been sailing like once and I don’t like fishing. When it was almost done I sat at my computer and assured myself that surely this was the best song about sailing written in the last two weeks. There was only one way to find out: to challenge Snackface aka RPY aka P to write a superior song about sailing. This idea, together with our renewed interest in talking mad shit (wiffle ball), spurred us to resurrect the DUDES project in the form of a song writing competition. To whit:

1) Every two weeks a subject will be chosen at random by a super-advanced computar program that we will talk about in a few days. At the end of thos 2 weeks, the songs will be uploaded to the blog and the voting period will last the next 2 weeks and so on.

2) Everyone is encouraged to vote. Votes will be sent to a neutral 3rd party S.E. Smith @ dudesdudesdudes at gmail.com who will tally them without informing us of the totals. Our egos are very fragile.

3) Songs must be primarily written and vocalized by the contestant. Otherwise, anything goes–bring in the fucking Polyphonic Spree if you want.

4) Songs must be over 1 minute long.

5) The prize/consequences of teh competition have yet to be determined. Stay posted

I am tired of writing, so I am going to stop now.
I love you.
Sexfizzy